Breastfeeding is a natural decision.
Many women have their own set of beliefs and feelings about whether or not they want to do it.
Personally, I feel that breastfeeding is the natural way to feed your child and hence, the wonderful health benefits for both mother and baby.
But contrary to my initial beliefs, it doesn’t quite come naturally – at least for me.
The very first time I tried to breastfeed Fayrah was so awkward for me.
That coupled with the mistake I made, it was no wonder she rejected my breasts despite numerous attempts and hence deterred my breastfeeding dream.
Now, almost 3 years later, equipped with all the information I have read and videos I have watched, I thought I would have my “Awwww…” moment where I will be smiling while nursing Erinna.
Well, I thought wrong. I didn’t have my “Awwww…” moment.
It didn’t come naturally either.
It was awkward and painful.
I wasn’t sure how to carry Erinna (Being busty didn’t help either).
Though I read about all the different breastfeeding positions and even practiced with a baby doll, for some reason, I just couldn’t do it when it comes to the real deal.
There were so many questions that went through my mind during each feed.
Is she breathing?
Am I suffocating her?
Is she getting the milk?
Or is it just air that she is sucking?
Is there enough milk?
To make things worse, I had really horrible cramps.
It was due to my uterus contracting, which is a great sign but boy, does it hurt.
It didn’t help either that my you-know-where hurt after the vaginal birth.
So I was basically in pain (a lot of pain) but still determined to make sure Erinna gets as much of the colostrum as possible.
Currently, I am facing with a new challenge – bleeding nipple.
It is so painful!
A friend recommended nipple cream but I wasn’t comfortable with Erinna sucking on the area that had some “foreign contaminant”.
Yeah, I know there are organic ones but I was still not comfortable with it.
So I was relieved when another friend mentioned breast milk as the best source of antidote for nipple bleeding.
I still have it but it seems to be getting better ( I hope!)
But I can’t deny how painful it is to breastfeed with a bleeding nipple.
It’s so painful that I cried the other day.
I nearly wanted to give up!
For a second, I felt like breastfeeding was too much for me – the pain of the nipple bleeding, uterus contracting, vaginal tear, engorged breasts, lethargy, hungry all the time, the tummy wrap that was restricting my movements, etc.
Everything seems to make me frustrated until I see this face.
I thank The Almighty for her.
Everything else – from pregnancy to labour to childbirth – actually went well for me.
I am very grateful for all HIS Blessings.
Something as precious as breastfeeding will definitely take a lot of effort.
And I am not about to give up.
I have waited a long time to have this priceless experience.
Giving up now will mean that I will regret later.
Regret not persevering this journey and giving the best of me to my 2nd born.
But honestly, breastfeeding takes practice.
It may come naturally to some mothers but not for me.
1 month on and I am still finding the best position during each feed.